Second workshop piece that didn't get workshopped. :|

            Because no one has been able to successfully rant this year, I thought I would give it a go. I’m from Boston, Massachusetts and in every way possible it is superior to Chicago. Whether it is the sports teams, the historical importance, tax rates or having a beach with an ocean as opposed to a giant body of fresh water, you can be sure Boston is going to top every list without even trying. It’s no secret, Boston offers more to your average person that Chicago can, even though Chicago has more people.

            I’ll start with the education. Boston is home to the most prestigious institution in the world, Harvard University. Zuckerberg went there, Bill Gates went there, 8 US presidents went there, more than 20 Supreme Court justices went there,  any number of foreign dignitaries went there, actors, directors, you name someone famous or important, chances are that person went to Harvard or another of the top universities in Boston. So what can Chicago offer to fight that? University of Chicago, other than not being able to produce an Alumni page on Wikipedia, the UChicago website was a joke. Some of the people made the list as “notable alumni” include Roger Ebert, Edwin Hubble, Carl Sagan and a few Nobel Prize winners.  As much as I enjoy two guys staring at the sky and a movie critic, the two institutions can’t even be compared. Fearing that if I really got into numbers and hard data, this would become a blood bath, I’m going to move on.

            Public transportation, while it is true the Red Line and the Blue Line run 24 hours a day, it is usually faster to walk wherever it is you’re going than waiting for a train after 10PM. While the trains stop running at three in the morning in Boston, the city is safe enough to walk around in at all hours. This isn’t just the Financial district or a few select neighborhoods, You could walk from East Boston to Cambridge without breaking a sweat or feeling unsafe. Truth be told it is not a bright idea to go wandering into south Boston, these rough neighborhoods are so out of the way they don’t pose any problem whatsoever. Not to mention Prevention Magazine ranked Cambridge, Massachusetts the best place to live as a pedestrian. The same Cambridge that boasts Harvard and a rich history that goes back to the Revolution. Coming in 6^th place is Boston itself, granted there is hardly a difference between Cambridge and Boston; the two are separated by the Charles River. Finally, coming in at number 8 is Chicago. Boston 2 Chicago 0

            May as well cover sports while we’re at it. Let’s start with baseball. While Boston only has room for one baseball team but it hardly matters. The Red Sox have more World Series titles than the Cubs and the White Sox combined. Then there’s hockey, the Boston Bruins have more Stanley Cups than the Blackhawks. The New England Patriots have more Super Bowl Championships than the Bears, The Boston Celtics have 17 championships to the Bulls’ 6. And Boston wins again.

            It’s easy to be a pompous asshat when you’re writing. It’s even easier when you deliver low blows the entire time. This is a rant.